Writing Challenge #16

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WEEKLY CHALLENGE #16

  1. WRITE: It’s time to describe a character from your main character’s point of view. Write one paragraph that shows us their physical look, but also the way they move, too.

2. COMMENT: You MUST comment on FOUR other entries to qualify. If you do not, your entry will be disqualified from the challenge. Give and take… Keep the cycle going.

3. IMPORTANT In order to qualify, you MUST vote for your TOP TWO choices. If you don’t vote, you cannot win this challenge (even if you receive the most votes!). To vote, you need to reply to the email that goes out for the Weekly Challenges. In that email, if you scroll to the bottom, you will see all the information you need to vote for this challenge.You must join our mailing list in order to receive the weekly voting email. 

4. DEADLINE: Tuesday, July 12th at 11:59 p.m. PST. Voting booth will open for this challenge on Wednesday, July  13th, and the winners will be announced the following Wednesday, July 20th.

CONGRATULATIONS: To the winners of Challenge #14… Nola Wendross, Michele Hinton and Marcia Yearwood!

THIS CHALLENGE IS OPEN TO ALL MEMBERS!

Have fun!

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Author Notes

64 Comments for “Writing Challenge #16”

Marcia Yearwood

says:

I remember the first time I met Marla, she took my breath away. A vision of elegance with that gorgeous smile, ice blue eyes and model height. Marla moved with poise and grace as she walked quickly but regally to meet me for our blind date. Her dark curls danced down her bare back sundress as she held out her hand to introduce herself. I tried to recover from my shock as I gently took her hand and grinned like a schoolboy. An old saying popped in my head “pretty is as pretty does” and I quickly discovered that was true of Marla. She was genuine, honest and caring. The way Marla spoke was charming and expressive, moving her hands to describe her words. That Southern drawl was almost always filled with sweetness and compassion for others. One of her favorite sayings was “bless your heart” and it made him smile every time he heard it. Marla, a genteel lady, stole my heart that very evening.

says:

What a beautiful, heart-warming description, Marcia! Very touching read. One nit: You go from 1st person POV to 3rd person POV in this one sentence near the end.

One of her favorite sayings was “bless your heart” and it made him(me) smile every time he(I) heard it.

Write On!
Becky

Marcia Yearwood

says:

Thanks. Becky! Appreciate your kind words & that nit as well. I realized it after it was already posted so if I understand correctly I can’t change now, is that correct? But really thanks for telling me cause I want to improve. I know that POV is one of my issues but normally. Catch it before posting. Oh well, gotta keep on writing anyhow right?

says:

Dustin twists around before I can reach him and easily pins me to the ground. “Who is he?” spitting through his teeth, his body tense over mine. I set my jaw to keep my own mask of anger from faltering- Dustin’s lips, tight in anger, thrust a spear of longing through my chest. His fingers easily cage each of my wrists, and my heart thrums echoes that ricochet between the trees. His muscles, bulging in their stiffness, vibrate with tremors. “Who is he?!” Dustin repeats, yelling. The strength radiating from his body warms my bones.

says:

Definitely a defining moment in their relationship! His jealousy is quite sexy to her, and the physical nature of this scene adds to that theme. Exciting physical description of Dustin, and also the deeper emotional description of the girl.

This sentence threw me a bit:
-“His muscles, bulging in their stiffness, vibrate with tremors.” The word stiffness doesn’t seem to fit. Maybe “firmness” or “bulging muscles vibrate with tremors”. You could play with this a bit.

Great vision!
Write On!
Becky

says:

Yeah, that sentence threw me a bit as well, even as I was writing it! I was hoping that I was just overthinking it, but I’ll remember to trust my instincts next time! Thanks Becky, your critique is always appreciated!

Tim Hillebrant

says:

So she feeds of Dustin’s jealousy, and he has no problem displaying it aggressively. I’d call this entry for the WW this week a 2 for 1 deal.
Nicely done, Annalie!

Rock On!

Tim Hillebrant

says:

The picture fell out of the slot in the machine, and Jade retrieved it before Arthur could pick it up himself. She wanted to see it first. A smile formed as she examined the photo, noting the way her dark hair spilled over his shoulder as they stood embraced for the picture to be taken. Her soft, cream skin just a shade lighter than his. Her eyes though, they stood out. Deepest violet with silver flecks, the smile she wore in the photo clearly represented in those eyes. It was the tell-tale physical difference between a human, and an immortal. Still, Jade thought, we look good together. A squeeze around her waist and she knew Arthur felt the same way.

says:

Hmm, I like how you approached this Tim. Your main character revealing herself through a photograph, how interesting. This single paragraph brings up more than meets the eye, touching on a bit of each character’s personality and suggesting the situation at hand. Good work, as always, Tim!

says:

“Deepest violet with silver flecks” I love this description of her eyes. I get a wonderful vision of her dark hair and violet eyes, and the name Jade also brings forth a greenish color that completes the vision for me. Wonderful description, and also a revealing moment of how immortals are slightly different than humans in appearance. Nice work!

Write On!
Becky

Marcia Yearwood

says:

Romance and great imagery, Tim; loved the words describing his eyes especially! And the unexpected end…a human with an immortal! Well done.

says:

Lilka was waiting, her deep brown eyes looking me up and down, and she whinnied softly as I strode toward her. I struggled to lift my packs over her backside, as my aching joints flamed. Lilka nuzzled my neck, fluttering my long black hair with a snort. I had pulled my hair back in a long braid, much like Uzziah wore his, and Lilka liked to mess up the top and pull out a few strands. We had been together five years. I had trained her myself, and the bond between us was a rare one. She watched my every move, liked to throw me around a bit in play, but when we were focused on a hunt or task she was disciplined and intense, following every command with power and grace.

says:

I liked this one a lot, Becky. You fit the description of both characters into one, and the connection between the two is evident. I love how you wrote this- though flawless, it’s a nicely flowing read that gives the impression that you write with such ease and natural talent! Would like to read more on this.

says:

Amy’s gaze followed the fluid movements of his limbs as he crossed the grass, seeming not to actually touch the ground but floating above it. The self-created wind tossed the long tangled threads of black hair back over strong shoulders. Poetry in motion, she thought. Well defined muscles in his butt bunched and flexed as he executed the maneuvers. Bridled strength and beauty. (PS it’s a horse)

says:

Another one about a horse, my my! I do like your imagery here, it depicts a grandiose aura about your equestrian. I especially enjoy the phrases “self-created wind” and “poetry in motion”. The diction I would edit, perhaps, is “butt”, since that takes away from the majestic mood a bit with its modern connotations. Otherwise, good work, Nancy!

says:

Thanks Annalie. It usually is about horses LOL. One track mind I’m afraid. I love the Shakespeare quote: When I bestride him, I soar, I am a hawk: he trots the air; the earth sings when he touches it I have a Tshirt with this on itl

Carol Moore

says:

Angel said, “You should see my secretary, Rusty, He is one foxy looking man if I wasn’t married, I would go for him. He dresses in over sized jackets and has these big framed glasses. When he strolls in the door with all that confidence, a woman can’t help but be attracted to him.”

Marcia Yearwood

says:

Nice! I especially like the line about Rusty strolling in with all that confidence and women can’t help but be attracted. I can definitely picture that.

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