Writing Challenge #15

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WEEKLY CHALLENGE #15

  1. WRITE: In one sentence, show (don’t tell) us a major personality trait in your character. Don’t say they’re strong, show us their strength. Don’t tell us they’re shy, show us how they’re shy. You get the point. Show… don’t tell! And, of course, have fun.

2. COMMENT: You MUST comment on FOUR other entries to qualify. If you do not, your entry will be disqualified from the challenge. Give and take… Keep the cycle going.

3. IMPORTANT In order to qualify, you MUST vote for your TOP TWO choices. If you don’t vote, you cannot win this challenge (even if you receive the most votes!). To vote, you need to reply to the email that goes out for the Weekly Challenges. In that email, if you scroll to the bottom, you will see all the information you need to vote for this challenge.You must join our mailing list in order to receive the weekly voting email. 

4. DEADLINE: Tuesday, July 5th at 11:59 p.m. PST. Voting booth will open for this challenge on Wednesday, July  6th, and the winners will be announced the following Wednesday, July 13th.

CONGRATULATIONS: To the winners of Challenge #13… Claudine S., Stephanie Walker and Annalie Buscarino! You were the winning entries and your stories and poems from that challenge will be published in the August 2016 issue of A Long Story Short!

THIS CHALLENGE IS OPEN TO ALL MEMBERS!

Have fun!

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Author Notes

216 Comments for “Writing Challenge #15”

says:

Landry’s long, silken red hair was tossed behind her by the wind from the dragon’s wings as it approached her. She stood crouched and ready with a bloody dagger in her left hand and the other extended. “Orrick!” she shouted. The dragon swooped down and she grabbed the rein that was dangling down. She flung herself to it’s back and the beast took to the sky. Landry looked down at the barbarian she had just killed and then at the others who would have caught her if Orrick hadn’t arrived when he did.

Tim Hillebrant

says:

Jade looked at the two men facing her, then took joy as their smirks gave way to surprise when she lifted them, one in each hand, and flung them across the road.

Jay Heltzer

says:

With a tear welling up in his eye, he slouched in his chair at the messy disaster once identified as the kitchen table, as he lethargically eyed the unpaid bills, unread magazines, and often ignored To-Do list, as it all stared back, as if to say “maybe today?”

Paul Forster

says:

Well put, Jay. I’ve sat at that table looking at it all. Those tears burned like hot coals running down his cheeks.

Thank you for that.

says:

The current threatened to sweep her away, but Ari kept a tight grip on the saddle horn and prayed until the mare’s hooves scrabbled in the wet sand of the bank.

Marcia Yearwood

says:

Nicely done Nancy! I love to read about horses, such majestic animals. Your entry brings to my mind a similar scene in The Horse Whisperer; of course in that one the horse & the girl were both injured terribly.

says:

The crisp white sheet attempted to fool my eyes but not my nostrils;
beneatn it laid a defeated, wasted, very soiled man who was decieved by strong drink.

says:

Could you explain this one to me a little? Forgive my slow mind, I was just working out!

Jay Heltzer

says:

He put a little too much faith in that drink. Where did it lead him? I bet he didn’t plan on it being under the sheets in his own waste. I don’t think the main character has faith in that drink as well. Nice job, Claudine.

says:

Point of view is the onlooker. What character trait does this display — I’d say disillusionment. The ability to see (or sniff) through a façade. I would guess the man is someone she once admired, probably when she was a child, and this is a family member she no longer thinks she can help. Well done!

Marcia Yearwood

says:

Chest heaving, a painful stitch in her side, sweat running into her eyes; her body said stop but her mind said “Keep Running!”

says:

A mental case. Running away from self. Trying to end a race.
Marcia I tried! Nice!!

Marcia Yearwood

says:

Literally running from something that has frightened her terribly. I pictured her lost in the dark woods, running from something unknown, or perhaps running from a wild animal. But I like your take on it too, running from self. Could maybe even a nightmare. Would have to ponder it more to expand it. Thanks Claudine!

says:

Well done with this scene, Marcia. I personally imagined someone in a marathon race. I actually done something like that before, the March of Dimes. My Mom, my Dad, my sisters, and I were even in the newspaper. It was pretty cool.

Marcia Yearwood

says:

Thank you ML! I’ve never been in a marathon but I can easily see the similarities. That is awesome being in a race with your family; fun and supporting a good cause all at the same time.

says:

The emotions flicking across her face a myriad to behold, wide eyes taking in every scene as tears rolled over her cheeks, and a smile that stretched across a tired face not to be dimmed, trembling from the effort she gazed at the tiny being nestled at her bosom.

Jay Heltzer

says:

Gorgeous description of a tender and special moment. I was tripped up though at “eyes taking in every scene”. I think you mean the newborn, but it reads like the mother. How many “scenes” are there at the moment. Lovely though.

says:

Awe, joy, relief that all went well, and trepidation about what’s next. Well done!

says:

Wonderful description of a new mother and her newborn. Very strong emotion in this one, Craig. Your description is a powerful one. 🙂

Write On!
Becky

says:

“Come to practice fighting with the real men, have you?” he laughed. “Don’t hurt me too bad, darlin’. I wouldn’t want to mess up that pretty face of yours.”

says:

Really, really enjoyed this one Becky, especially your approach to this challenge in using one character’s dialogue to indirectly describe another’s personality. Though this entry isn’t one sentence, it’s close enough, and too good to ignore! Wish to see this one developed, good work.

says:

My bad…lol Didn’t look at it close enough. Thanks for the compliments, tho. 🙂 It’s a line out of the story I have been posting the last few weeks titled, Elektra. I would love your opinions, nits, and edit suggestions on it. 🙂 This particular piece of dialogue is in Part 4.

Marcia Yearwood

says:

Makes me want to know more, Becky! Such a mean taut from (I’m assuming) a big muscled man whose ego may even be bigger than his muscle. And why is she there wanting to fight with the big boys anyway? So many unanswered questions, good write!

says:

Demetrius stared down at his plate of untouched food with a wistful smile and fought back his tears, kicking himself for not acknowledging his feelings for Jessica beforehand.

says:

Her presentation was a success, the room erupted with cheers that she could still here, as she wiped her face all a tremble in the bathroom ; glad that it was done.

says:

I feel relief for your character! This sentence reveals several different aspects of your protagonist, including her anxiety around public faces and her determination in achieving her goals by placing her fears aside. Good job, Ellen.

Jay Heltzer

says:

I do a lot of speaking to audiences and the fear never goes away. You captured it well. This reads like three seperate sentences, and could use better transitional words to make it all one entity. Great emotional description!

Tim Hillebrant

says:

Courage in the form of speaking in front of a crowd. Michael Jackson had similar issues- which is why it took him so long to remove his sunglasses in concerts.

says:

Too far away, town lights on a hillside whispered rescue, so he shifted his eyes to the next bend in the road and took one more step, one more step, and then one more.

Carol Moore

says:

Every time she looked into his beautiful light blue eyes, her breath left her body.

Michael Decker

says:

He slipped the wedding ring into his pocket, downed the rest of his drink, and stumbled over to the attractive blonde sitting at the other end of the bar.

Marcia Yearwood

says:

Well done, Michael, well done! It has me wondering though…did he propose to someone who rejected him or is he a cheating husband? Hmmm…

Michael Decker

says:

Thanks all. I was going for a “betrayal” personified in a cheating husband. Went back and forth and whether to say “his” wedding ring or “the”wedding ring. Guess I know now which would’ve been clearer. Doh!

Paul Forster

says:

Desperation is what I feel it shows, loss of what he was and had, now desperate for anything.

Thank you for those words. It will make a very good opening sentence.

says:

Tears rolling down her cheeks, Sofia raised the gun to the man who had once been her father, and pulled the trigger.

Michael Decker

says:

There’s a lot of conflicted emotion in this scene. For me the one personality trait might be something along the lines of “acceptance” or “resolute”. You know, knowing what has to be done even though it ain’t gonna be easy. I like it.

says:

This sentence completely hooks the reader into wanting to know why she would shoot her father. Only nit I have, is that the sentence says ” …Sofia raised the gun to the man who had once been her father…” How is he not her father anymore, biologically anyway? Maybe, once regarded as her father.

Very strong emotion and conflict.

Write On!
Becky

says:

Definitely “once regarded”. I did consider that, but I figured from her point of view, he had once been her father and clearly no longer is. Thanks for the nit though, it’s always good to receive helpful critique!

Marcia Yearwood

says:

WOW, Annalie, this one gripped me and wouldn’t let go! It gives me chills, makes me shudder. I feel like I am there witnessing this happen. Gets my adrenaline pumping and I want to turn away or run, but can’t. I’m frozen in time…

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