variations on a haiku

velvet wings flutter
an erratic flight ensues
ends on a petal

velvet wings flutter
swerves here and there
ending on a petal

butterfly’s velvet flight
swerves here and there
ends on a petal


Author Notes

Haiku are simple but yet can be so much more. Here is my original haiku about a butterfly and how it changed when I revisited it twice I still like the first the best but the others I feel just add something. Please give me your thoughts on all three.

4 Comments for “variations on a haiku”

Raymond Tobaygo

says:

Good morning, Craig

Loved the rhyme.I came away with the image of a butterfly’s seeming chaotic flight. Enjoyed.

Take care and stay safe,

Ray

Craig Lincoln

says:

cheers Ray any indication of which sits best with you?

Raymond Tobaygo

says:

Good afternoon, Craig
Mea culpa for not reading the your request.

Here is my original haiku about a butterfly and how it changed when I revisited it twice I still like the first the best but the others I feel just add something. Please give me your thoughts on all three.

First stanza: loved the first line; the description, to me captures the essence of a butterfly. I have a huge flower garden, so I get to see many types in in flight daily.

Second Stanza: The second line, to me, indicates more power, as you would find with a bird.

Third stanza: The first line, in my humble opinion, when combined with the second line of the first stanza, accurately defines the flight of a butterfly.

I hope this helps.

Take care and stay safe,

Ray

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