The Rescue

Marley, his long white hair unkempt, dressed in loose-fitting workpants and a foul-smelling flannel shirt, sat in the front seat of Claude’s car, watching eagle-eyed as his son guided it down winding roads and over humpbacked bridges that brought back memories of earlier days.

“Turn right!” Take a left!” he barked. “Go slow around the next turn, the driveway’s hidden and it comes on fast. Damn, you went too far! Turn around.” Marley’s voice took over when the car’s navigation system could not find the Kittle settlement.

They bumped down the potholed driveway with high grass clinging to the underside of Claude’s prized silver car, and came upon the deserted Kittle house buried in a tangle of pine trees and shrubs. The scene was idyllic, a lure to any photographer of calendar scenes willing to endure risky driving conditions.

Claude parked behind Gert’s Outback, still ticking as it cooled. He helped Marley out of the car and inwardly fumed at Gert, Nina and his mother. And blast Marley! The old curmudgeon could hardly walk, let alone stand. Claude had to practically carry the heaving, dead weight of the cursing old-timer to the Kittle house.

Through the partially open front door came the sound of voices deep inside. Claude cupped his hands to his mouth and called out, “We’re here!”

“In the dining room,” his mother’s voice echoed. “Follow the hall to the last room on the left. And be careful where you step. There’s broken furniture and old toys everywhere.”

Claude and Marley picked their way carefully through a dark-paneled hall where colorless landscape paintings curled out of wooden frames. In a large, quaint room in the back, Elsie, Gert and Nina stood staring down at a square hole cut into the floor. The two men edged their way to the hole and waited for their eyes to adjust to the dim light. Four gleaming eyes stared up at them.


Author Notes

This is an excerpt from a Gert and Nina Bottle Mining story. A father and son are called to The Rescue.






14 Comments for “The Rescue”

Tim Hillebrant

says:

I’ve been down roads like that- and going to somewhat similar places for some of the same reasons- as well as the photography ones. LOL

Great times. Great story here too. I’d love to read another part of it.

Tim

Raymond Tobaygo

says:

Good afternoon, Patricia

Good flow ,descriptions imagery and dialogue. I’m a bit confused. Why were they driving to the house and what was the purpose of the hole? Aside from this, I enjoyed the post. Will there be a continuation with your characters?
Two edits:
loose(-)fitting
eagle(-)eyed

Take care and stay safe,

Ray

says:

Thank you for your comments and edits Ray. They are always appreciated. I will post the completed story soon. This is an excerpt from the completed story of The Rescue because it fit the writing prompt Blacktop Bad flash prompt. Good writing!

says:

It does feel like a piece lifted out of a larger work, as there is no understandable reason in my mind as to why these two guys are traveling out to this deserted house. When they get there, there are three women, presumably family, at least the mother is. All this uprising to find a hole in the floor with some wild critters? I think I would understand it better if I had a feel for the other characters and the reason they are at this house. Maybe it is a humorous scene? I see the bottle mining reference, so I can guess these women came upon the critters trapped in the basement while seeking their treasures, and cut a hole in the floor to save them. They needed more help and called the guys to come.

Nice description of the father and son as they drive out to the house. Otherwise, it seems unfinished, and I feel no connection to the other characters. You could add a bit more backstory before they get to the house, a brief description or reference to who they are to meet and what they were doing out there.

I would enjoy reading the full story. 🙂

Write On!
Becky

says:

Becky, I entered this excerpt of my completed The Rescue story as an entry for Blacktop bad flash prompt. I thought this excerpt from the story fit the requirements of the prompt. I’ll post the full story at another time. Thanks for your comments.

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