Mean Walt

Posted by 17 Comments

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Mean Walt looked every inch a gunslinger, as he pushed the saloon door open and clicked his spurs. Nell sashayed over, her breasts plump and firm, like peaches ripe for the picking, she looked just as she should.
“Howdy gunslinger, you after a shot of Rye aged until it burns the nubs from your tongue? Followed by a sweet gal who can still show a real man a thing or two?”

Walt fired a crack in to the spittoon, pushed back his Stetson, and with eyes as tight as peas in a pod; he looked her up and down. “Honey, it’s been a while” he said in a gravelly voice as the snow thawed on his whiskers.
He swaggered across to the bar slamming his palm down with a thud. “Sarsaparilla tender”.
Nell let out a laugh, “Maybe tis a girl wet behind the ears he’d prefer, one that won’t notice a pussy when she sees one”. Nell curled her lip looking him up and down.

“Honey, the frostbite took me in Dakota, even a fine thing like you can’t make this old poke grow a pecker”. Slamming his glass on the bar he turned on a dime and left.

© 2016, Ellen Best. All rights reserved.
The author has granted WritersCarnival.ca, its affiliates and syndicates non-exclusive rights to display this work.


Author Notes

Written by

A wordy birdy who writes and reads as if her life depended on it. A woman who is lucky enough to take extremely early retirement to concentrate on her life passion that is writing. Won NaNoWriMo in 2014, published Jan 2016 in long story short, long listed on Readers digest literary competition 2015, and am currently editing my first novel.
I live in the UK In the West country with my best half and my smart roadster called Alfie. I walk about twenty miles a week to keep fit; so i can eat English Chips my secret addiction.

17 Comments for “Mean Walt”

Tim Hillebrant

says:

Hey Ellen!

I really enjoyed this. The way it’s written, and the language used, really reminds me of Larry McMurtry, my favorite western author. Is novel, Lonesome Dove, reads very similarly in the language used and the descriptions given. It won a Pulitzer Prize when it was published too. Poor Walt, lost his pecker to frostbite. shudders I can’t imagine.

An edit, maybe- Walt fired a crack in to the spittoon, pushed back his Stetson, and with eyes as tight as peas in a pod;… I think the commas are needed here.

Great post my friend. I’d really love to see you continue this one. I’d read it start to finish- twice!

Tim

says:

Thank you for the nit attack, I can throw commas across the page like blossom on a spring wind. Possibly I pulled out too many in the edit. ?
Your comments amaze me, as an English woman without connections to cowboys, except a trip to Texas in 2008. Historic western vernacular was Googled and I watched four John Wayne films back to back to attempt the write. Research, research, research, works for me. You sir have made my day.

Raymond Tobaygo

says:

Good afternoon, Ellen

You’ve captured the essence and imagery of an encounter between a hussy and the cowboy. Well done!
One nit… one(.)”. Nel

Take care and stay safe,

Ray

says:

Thank you Raymond, I am pleased you liked and read it. Thank you for the nit Ray but it seems that In British English the comma and full stop are not considered part of speech… so are placed after the quotation marks unless it is a question a ? Is put inside as it is part of speech. The opposite is in USA English.

says:

I feel like I’ve read this one before, Ellen. Did you transfer it over? Ain’t that last paragraph a kick in the pants! LOL!

I decided to rewrite your first paragraph. Tell me what you think?

Mean Walt looked every inch a gunslinger as he pushed the saloon door open and clicked his spurs. When Nell sashayed over, her breasts plump and firm like peaches ripe for the picking, she looked just as she should.

“Howdy, gunslinger. You after a shot of Rye aged until it burns the nubs from your tongue? Followed by a sweet gal who can still show a real man a thing or two?”

Enjoyed the spicy read! 🙂
Write On!
Becky

says:

yes I dragged it kicking and screaming across. Funny thing is … you changed it back to how I had it in the first place. I was doubtful now you sealed it for me, “Don’t mend what isn’t broke”.
I removed some nits and put it in a party frock. Rebecca thanks for reading.

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