I Want To Turn The Clock Back.



I want to turn the clock back; to before you went away,


To get the chance to tell you, and beg of you to stay.


I want to turn the clock, to face against the wall


To hope that the sickle, this time, fails to fall.




I would cradle your tiny body and together we would sleep,


Beneath the comfy blanket with booties on your feet.


You would recognise me by the noises that I make,


The songs I’d be singing while I baked for you a cake.




The house would fill with laughter as I introduced to you,


A sister and two brothers, who would be in love with you.


They’d fight to let me hold you, and smother you in love,


You would have fitted in the family, like a hand into a glove.




But clocks don’t go backwards, time refuses to stand still,


Mothers can’t make it happen, we haven’t got free will.


If we did, we would have held you and never let you go,


But you got taken to a corner, of time we’ve yet to know.




The sun keeps on shining, as does the falling rain,


The sunflowers still blossom, though not the same.


Growing up a family, with your missing name,


Like gazing at a sunflower through a broken pane.



Author Notes

Today, a long past memory was jogged, a never forgotten moment recalled and tears were shed; but all is just as it should be. 

24 Comments for “I Want To Turn The Clock Back.”

Mary Cooney-Glazer


Ellen, This is a beautiful expression of both unbearable loss and courageous acceptance. Excellent. Mary


Acceptance can happen now that the space is wider, the years since our loss has managed to blur the edges of pain. This was the first acknowledgement that it happened since the hateful night. It had never been mentioned or dealt with. Now it has, now Each time I read it, it hurts a little less. Thank you Mary

Tim Hillebrant


Sometimes writing is just good therapy. It lets you set free those emotions that catch you up some days. I’m sorry for your loss, and am glad you felt comfortable sharing it here.

Keep writing, you’re always coming up with things that make me think, feel, and smile. I love it.



Thanks Tim, when you get caught unexpectedly, It’s as if you had been slapped full in the face, hard, by the memory. There is no end, and when it appears the guilt feels massive. How dare I have put him away, taken my eye off the memory; it will always be there waiting, waiting for Ellen. .

Anisa Claire


Hi Ellen,

Beautifully written piece. It’s sad, but you wrote from your heart and it shows. You have quite a few amazing lines in here, the last verse was incredible. I also thought these two were great…

I want to turn the clock, to face against the wall
To hope that the sickle, this time, fails to fall.



It’s beautiful, how you wrote it to the baby. You did fill it with love, Ellen, and your reflection of this experience brought out all the moments you will never have together. I especially liked this line: “But you got taken to a corner, of time we’ve yet to know.”

A wonderful tribute and reflection on this lost moment in your life.

Write On!

Lisa Doesburg


I know that pain so well, like it was yesterday. This poem brought tears to my eyes as it made me remember. We can be rest assured our little souls are in God’s embrace. Very moving, Ellen.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *