Diamond Brocade (Haibun)

Friday afternoon

Sunshine and a cool breeze blows

My dog and I walk

 

Next door, the neighbor wrestles with a suffering mind and a gun. Peering frantically through dark window shades the glimpse of brightness stings his eyes, and his heart shatters to see the world outside. Children playing in the grass, a neighbor walks by chattering playfully to her dog on a leash.

 

“Gone. All my hope is gone,” he whimpers. He dresses in combat camouflage fatigues, reliving scenes of battles long past lamented. The walls of the tiny apartment begin to close in. Twisted shadows leer and laugh. Respect and noble thoughts are no more. Ego crushed and broken. He picks up the gun.

 

Sudden shots ring out

On the hillside where we rest

In a brilliant sky

 

A sturdy handsome soldier lies on the bed with his brains blown out. The darkened shades now pour spatters of sunlight glistening on the walls like diamond brocade. Windows shattered. Life is gone as if it never mattered.

 

A soul has lifted

The heavy pain has drifted

Police sirens roar


Author Notes

So much talk about Haibun, lately. So, I decided to take a stab at this kind of poetry. A mix of prose and Haiku poetry. Thanks to Craig and Doug for setting the example. 🙂

10 Comments for “Diamond Brocade (Haibun)”

Tim Hillebrant

says:

An excellent piece, Becky.
I know from conversations past, that this incident struck you- how could it not?
I think the poem serves as a perfect vehicle to exercise those feelings and thoughts, as well as maybe process the events at hand. Very therapeutic, I think.

Nicely done!

says:

Terrific, Becky. You captured this perfectly. You’ve said you want to pursue this further, as a short story. Great idea. There’s a lot there to mine.

No nits. Write on!

says:

I’m sure there are nits to be found, Dave, but thank you for the compliment! I hope I have the courage to find a way to write this story. Allowing some distance from it may help, as it kind of sickens my stomach when i think about it now. Have to be in the right frame of mind. I found I really liked this style of poetry.

Thank you,
Becky

says:

Heart-stopping and heartbreaking, Becky.

I’m glad you found a way to express your feelings on the tragedy of a stranger so close to you.

I think it’s perfect.

says:

It’s a start. I would still like to write a short story, but it seems overwhelming, at the moment. This Haibun form served as a great vehicle to help me set the scene. I wanted to show two very different POV’s about that day. The beauty of the world, and the horror.

I really like using prose and poetry together. The poetry allowed me to bring a softness to this day, while the prose… it can be brutal. So many different ways to use this poetry form!

Thank you for your kind words, Doug. 🙂

charles stone

says:

I have no idea or sense of the format/types of poems, but I like
the imagery and message of this piece. Sad and haunting.

says:

The form is really very freeing to use. Mix your prose with Haiku poetry. Haiku is basically, three lines: 5-7-5 in the syllables used for the each line. The prose is whatever you want it to be, and they should compliment one another. No set number of lines, stanzas, or words. It was my first try at using this form.

Thank you for your comments, Charles. 🙂

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