Chapter 1 – Pink Parasol, Cowboys and Real Estate

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12 Comments for “Chapter 1 – Pink Parasol, Cowboys and Real Estate”

says:

Miriam sure does have a lot on her plate, but the Good Lord looks out for those who do what is right. A very endearing vignette of family life from this family’s POV. Here are some things I noticed and some suggestions:

– I’ll get you some dry clothes to put on and then sit in here with you till you get thru, ok?” (through)
-settled down in her recliner to drink a cuppa tea. (cup of tea)
-But(,) since her sweet husband died 5 years ago[,] quite a few of her dreams were shattered. (Add a comma after But, and take away the comma after ago)
-Miriam smiled thinking of her Mom’s latest adventure. Wonder what she was thinking? I know she loves that movie, Singing in the Rain. Wonder if she has been watching it again? That would explain her trying to imitate it. I wish Joanna had never wanted her Gramma to have matching raingear. Oh well, they sure are adorable in that spring photo, glancing at it above the fireplace. (I would recommend putting these thoughts in italics to set apart from the rest of the dialogue and content.)
-“Head ’em up, move ’em out,” (Rawhide lyrics)
– “He stopped loving her today” (‘He Stopped Loving Her Today’) You may want to put the titles of songs in single quotations to separate them from dialogue confusion. Keep the capital letters for beginning of words in titles of songs, too.
-Be sure to spell out your numbers whether it be for the time or for other things. Usually, writing doesn’t take short-cuts with words and familiar phrases, but that is your call.

Enjoyed this story and the sentiment that goes with it.

Write On!
Becky

says:

Looking back, I think you were trying to get a southern or country feel in the wording, but there wasn’t really enough difference in the entire story to carry that tone… that’s why I highlighted cuppa tea, thru would still be through, Yall would be Y’all, I think.

says:

I do use yall a lot but if its proper to use y’all. I will. About cuppa. I read that in a book once or twice. I think some UK. Writing. I just thought it w’s cool. It don’t know it w’s incorrect. Ill research that one some more need to do that anyway. Thanks again Becky! Excuse my typing. In tired

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