Cat’s Eye View

Cat’s Eye View

“What do you think of this one?”
“He’s stupid-looking, Sandy.”
“They’re all stupid-looking, Muffin.”
“True. I wonder why that is?”
“Probably because the stupid ones are easier to get rid of… after the fact.”
“Could be. Why does she bring them here, Sandy?”
“I think she wants a litter, Muffin.”
“Seems like a lot of trouble. She’s been at this a while and there’s no litter yet.”
“Well she is persistent.”
“And consistent.”
“Yes indeedy.”
“What’ll we do if she ever has a litter?”
“Get rid of the stupid-looking male ones and train the females.”
“Makes sense to me, Sandy.”
“Looks like they’re going into the sleep-nest. Let’s get in there first.”
“Right you are. It sure pisses off these male-strays when we show up.”
“Probably embarrassed for us to see them doing their silly routine.”
“Well they’re not very efficient with mating, but they are interesting, Sandy.”
“I can’t figure out why they spend more time grooming each other than mating, Muffin.”
“Well they are human. We must make allowances. They can’t even groom themselves.”
“They sure get excited when they do each other… and only in their small patches of fur.”
“Evidently anything higher up doesn’t need grooming, Sandy.”
“At least not seriously.”
“They do get enthusiastic when they’re in that small furry patch.”
“And she keeps bringing these enthusiastic dullards home. Evelyn is certainly high maintenance.”
“Well, she is our pet, and, as cats, we do have a responsibility to her, Sandy.”
“At least we don’t have to find these dumbkins for her, Muffin.”
“I don’t think she finds them. I think they just follow her home.”
“So let’s get on the bed. It’s fun to watch him trying to shoo us off like we’re flies.”
“And to watch him trying to convince Evelyn he really likes us.”
“What these silly male humans will do to get a little grooming.”
“Bet they don’t even care about making a litter, Sandy.”
“For sure, Muffin. It’s a wonder they’re not extinct.”


Author Notes

My daddy loved dogs… absolutely loved them. Cats, I’m afraid, was a different story. ‘Dogs,’ he would say, ‘are grateful critters. They wag their tails, run up to you and slobber their affection and gratitude. Follow you around like you’re King of the castle.’ Cats, on the other hand, act all independent; ignore you like they pay the mortgage and the car notes. Damn things won’t come when you whistle and act all finicky about what you put down for them to eat. Like they’re in a French restaurant and I’m a frigging waiter.

So I was raised by my daddy who, as you’ve read above, wasn’t a great lover of cats. Now I’ve noticed that in my latter years, quite a few ladies have cats (often multiples) as roommates/housemates. And I swear to the manger of Baby Jesus, these cats appear to view male friends (I have signed testimony) of said ladies as interlopers/intruders/unwelcome guests.

So here’s what I think a conversation would sound like if we males understood ‘cat’.

This is poetry/prose/Flash at its most dismal.

8 Comments for “Cat’s Eye View”

reigny dai

says:

Ba ha and ha! I’m team cats, so this is great to me. I like dogs, but love cats for all the reasons your daddy didn’t (smile). Cats are the best, and I’ve often said, “I’d rather be a cat.”

Cute piece about cute creatures

Gregory Shipman

says:

Thanks reigny… I have nothing against cats… ’cause I don’t get close! *snicker* For me writing is my way of expressing the real, the unreal and the ludicrous (not the rapper)… I been away doing ‘away’ stuff but… like a bad penny… I’m brown!

Karen Holt

says:

Ah Greg, I am seriously happy I don’t have any pets, and especially cats. I have enough trouble worrying ’bout what other people think about me, without worrying bout the cat’s-eye view. You made me laugh, and the saucy vocabulary is hilarious. This is unique and quirky, as only Greg’s-eye view can be.

Gregory Shipman

says:

I had a pet rock once but it kept getting stoned (and wouldn’t help with the rent)… so I put it up for shale! Ha! I’m always happy to see my across-the-pond’s signature on any page… and don’t worry about what other people think of you… it’s my ‘think’ what counts *wink*

Raymond Tobaygo

says:

Good morning, Gregory

Liked the way you placed the reader inside each cat’s mind. I could easily see cats having this discussion regarding us. Enjoyed.

Take care and stay safe,

Ray

Gregory Shipman

says:

Morning, Ray… I always appreciate your view and comments… It’s fun trying to imagine what animals think of us humans (with all our quirkiness).

thanks

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