Best Laid Plans



Best Laid Plans


Paula shook her head. “You not using no rubber that you kept in your wallet. I know what happens to condoms that are kept in your back pocket.”

Sammy pulled back in order to get a full view of her face. The springs in the mattress protested. He took a second to place his glasses on his round hairless face. “What happens to them?”

Her eyes narrowed, and her mouth twisted, her mouth that tasted sweet like a caramel blizzard. Paula swiped imaginary hair from her eyelash. “It can … you know get all hot and mushy, and it’s not good anymore and won’t work the way it’s supposed to work, and the woman or girl can get pregnant, and I don’t want to get pregnant because I have big plans for my life. My big plans don’t include motherhood at seventeen.”


Sammy couldn’t believe it, his big plan had worked so well so far. The plan he had rehearsed since Thanksgiving break. Every act so far had flowed as scripted. In the science lab, he helped her with the quiz. That was the easy part, everyone knows he’s the smartest in the class. Next he’d accidentally bumped into her at her locker. That part was the second most difficult part of the plan because her last name is Green; her locker is on the first floor and the lockers of the students whose last name which begin with the letter W is on the second floor. But  he’d practiced for weeks; he practiced even after he tripped on the stairs and broke his ankle the day before Christmas vacation.


Today, Paula made it easy because he didn’t have to use the prepared speech. She took his hand and walked him to StoneCold Creamery and brought him a root beer float.  She said it was thanks for helping her. Even better Paula did most of the talking.


He swallowed hard for the fifth time in the past ten minutes. “It wasn’t in my back pocket or my wallet. I bought it yesterday at the grocery store, and hid it under the mattress.”

She shoved him with both hands and jumped up from his double bed. “So this wasn’t spontaneous? You planned to bring me here

He rose slowly to his feet, knocking the remaining caramel blizzard onto the carpet. He held her hands, soft as a whisper. “Yes. I mean no, no..”

“Oh”, she interrupted, “oh, I get it, you planned on getting any girl to come here.”


He was stunned into silence. His entire day which started so beautifully was busted apart.

“No, it was spontaneous.” He whined. “But, but a man has to be prepared, you know. Look, it’s not old, and it’s not dry and hard, and it won’t break.”


“Sammy.” She massaged the back of his hands. “I have to go now; it’s getting late, and my father is probably waiting for me. Will you please walk me home? We can make plans for another day.”


“Sure,” he moaned, “another day.”


Author Notes

10 Comments for “Best Laid Plans”

Raymond Tobaygo


Good afternoon, Charles

Ahh the best laid plans of mice and men often go asunder. Tripped up by his raging hormones. Enjoyed.

one nit:
the lockers of the students whose last name which begin with the letter W (are) is

Take care and stay safe,


Tim Hillebrant


Poor guy- that had to hurt. Best laid plans always seem to be the ones that don’t work out. Kudos to Sammy for taking the shot though. Took guts.


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