Awakening

The drape of blue with white cotton candy clouds kissed the earth sweetly.

The lonely morning ride home was painful as usual.  At the stoplight Mary’ s eyes closed and silent darknesss covered her. The din of the traffic no longer audible as the light changed to green and angry drivers maneuvered their way around her car.

Heaven touched earth.

Golden sunlight adorned the wings of birds.

Leaves glittered displaying their worth.

Clickity clack clickity clack a cop on a horse back.

Mary awakens to the  heel of a cop in stirrups by her window. The belly of the beast a silky smooth brown. “Oh my God!” she says as she presses the pedal and speeds away. Tall strong legs in her rear view.

Oh what a beautiful morning !


Author Notes

Thank you Doug. Writing challenge #8 caused me to experiment with the haibun style. I don't even think I am close but I tried.

7 Comments for “Awakening”

says:

I don’t know too much about the styles of poetry, but this was a well read. I could picture the story that this poem told to the reader. Nice job, Claudine!

Michaela

says:

I love the mix of poetry and prose here, Claudine. You might try setting the poetry or the prose in a different font or italicize so we can visually see the separation. This piece is wonderful, and does such a sweet job of highlighting the positive beauty of the world, while showing her lack of attention to it, yet awakening to now see it!

Comma suggestion:
The lonely morning ride home was painful(,) as usual.

Great job! I really need to try one of these haibun’s myself!

Write On!
Becky

Lisa Doesburg

says:

Beautiful Claudine! Clear, concise and full of picturesque images. You did a great job with this…

says:

Thank you Craig for reading and commenting. Thank you also for giving me more information about this style of writing. I was very excited trying this out but I am even happier that you found it ok.
I will work on the haiku some more. .THANKS!

says:

A wonderful piece Claudine you captured the moment so well which is the main focus of a Haibun.
I don’t see a haiku here unless it is the four middle lines from ” heaven through to back” not that you have to have a haiku to make it a haibun.
Great stuff I liked this very much, these short Japanese stytle of poetry are a favourite of mine. Cheers

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