A section of my NaNoWriMo Novel

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5 Comments for “A section of my NaNoWriMo Novel”

Anisa Claire

says:

Hey Kim,

I know I’m a bit late to the party, but… I got so lost in this piece that I actually forgot what your question was at the beginning! Lol. It’s very good. I could see every moment, but better, I could feel it all, too. You have a way with words, my friend.

To answer your question, yes. I thought the emotions were realistic and grabbing. Something we can all relate to in thinking of the loss of a loved one.

Anisa

Raymond Tobaygo

says:

Good afternoon, Kim

Great flow. You make the reader experience Kathy’s dilemma, her conflict regarding what and whatnot to take and the consequences of her decisions. Enjoyed!

One suggestion: the repetition of any of the( larger pieces. (The larger pieces), just thinking about it made Kathy’s heart sink

Take care and stay safe,

Ray

says:

Hi, Kim!

Great start here! It sounds fascinating, the idea of a young woman forced from what looks like an upper middle-class home into an abandoned jail. Lots of possibilities here.

For a full-length novel, I don’t think the notebooks are too much. It’s a way of introducing Kathy’s ordered personality.

A few nits:

* “Her thoughts were not (passive) on the rain, but lingered (active) over the lists…” – I’m not the expert on this, but I’ve always felt comparative verbs should match; both should be either active, or both passive.

* “Her fingers brushed across the ivory keys of there (their) own volition.”

* The last paragraph played well on the emotions. I would recommend changing the static verbs to active – The tears had (delete ‘had’) started; etc…

You’ve got a good start on this. I can’t wait to see where it goes!

Kim Bussey

says:

Thanks, Dave. Yeah, I haven’t edited it yet. Wasn’t sure if I would keep it or trash it and start over. First thing I do when editing is get rid of all the pronouns I can and rewrite the passive stuff.

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