A section of my NaNoWriMo Novel

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5 Comments for “A section of my NaNoWriMo Novel”

Anisa Claire


Hey Kim,

I know I’m a bit late to the party, but… I got so lost in this piece that I actually forgot what your question was at the beginning! Lol. It’s very good. I could see every moment, but better, I could feel it all, too. You have a way with words, my friend.

To answer your question, yes. I thought the emotions were realistic and grabbing. Something we can all relate to in thinking of the loss of a loved one.


Raymond Tobaygo


Good afternoon, Kim

Great flow. You make the reader experience Kathy’s dilemma, her conflict regarding what and whatnot to take and the consequences of her decisions. Enjoyed!

One suggestion: the repetition of any of the( larger pieces. (The larger pieces), just thinking about it made Kathy’s heart sink

Take care and stay safe,



Hi, Kim!

Great start here! It sounds fascinating, the idea of a young woman forced from what looks like an upper middle-class home into an abandoned jail. Lots of possibilities here.

For a full-length novel, I don’t think the notebooks are too much. It’s a way of introducing Kathy’s ordered personality.

A few nits:

* “Her thoughts were not (passive) on the rain, but lingered (active) over the lists…” – I’m not the expert on this, but I’ve always felt comparative verbs should match; both should be either active, or both passive.

* “Her fingers brushed across the ivory keys of there (their) own volition.”

* The last paragraph played well on the emotions. I would recommend changing the static verbs to active – The tears had (delete ‘had’) started; etc…

You’ve got a good start on this. I can’t wait to see where it goes!

Kim Bussey


Thanks, Dave. Yeah, I haven’t edited it yet. Wasn’t sure if I would keep it or trash it and start over. First thing I do when editing is get rid of all the pronouns I can and rewrite the passive stuff.

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